What's demand?

Does status = stability?

Many say that when you're not officially together you don't expect/ ask for too much. Because thats demanding. 

BEG TO DIFFER.

But...  

We're in it together isn't it?  Be it official or not. Unless you're telling me that you are not serious. Then OK fine. 

I guess it's the feelings that matter, how real you gonna be. How committed you are. How True you are being. How much you're loving. 

I believe when we are in it together, we can work it out together. Its all about commitments and responsibilities. Committed to each other and responsible for our acts that will affect each other. It takes two to tango ~ 

Been a long time.. 

PY VS XJ 

Aeroplane.

Regards,

Mandy Lim 

DON'T

Dont ever lie to yourself.Be clear.

" I am the King, Will You be my Queen. "

Don't want it to be the next mistake. But it's already a mistake right from the beginning.

如果没有好的结局，那我宁愿停在这里。

停在这里，还是暂停在这里 。

To stop right here or to stop and live in the moment.

P/S : Even the lyrics tell you so.

Loves,

Mandy.

  G.F.Y.W.X.J

  A.E.A.A.I.I

  N.I.N.N.A.H

  H.H.H.G.O.H

CNY 2015

Hi babes,

It's already 2015! Hope everything is good for you!
I know I know it has been long...

Just thought I should come by to say Hi today.
Just an update of my current studies status, talking about decision making in my prev post.
I have chose to transfer to RMIT.  Half way through my first semester now. Can't really tell if it's easier, But it definitely request a lot of sled discipline on self studies. The Notes are not really detailed.
I totally have a killer module, 100% based theory, ITM.  He doesn't seems pleased with me so far...
The rest are cool with me.


I'm braving this post in a achy body, headache,  fever and extremely nauseous Condition.  It's so bad. It's so bad that I just Can't have anything oily down my throat. must be those cny pineapple tarts and goodies that Make me sick. 😭

Actually, I want to post something else...
But, I decided to hold it down first..


Love,
Mandy.

I need to sort this out.

Basically, my results were out a few hours ago.
I'm just stuck  , confused with myself.
What have I been doing?

I totally agree with the UOL is so hard.
Nope, I didn't screw it badly.
&This is why I am so indecisive now.
Failing by a mark is a huge saga.
I rather I screwed it bad like my other theory module.
Having only 3 passes, and theory badly screwed with a one-more-mark-to-pass, I landed myself 2 choices.

1.) To continue UOL. Retakes. But am I sure I could pass the 2nd year modules? It will be harder than year 1.

2.) To transfer/change to RM IT. Much easier to score well. Shorter time. Their system &time allocation is better. :/ no long study break before exam.

I have pretty much decided actually.
But just feel like screwing myself up the next time I read back on this.

I basically threw my effort,  time &money into the drain, for the previous year. Screw me.

With not-much-love,
M.

Here cones again.

I am back to this stage again.
It has been so hard on me. Everything is.
I have been living in negativity for long enough.
I know I hate it. I know I can determine how I think.
I know , I know.

Sometimes it's so hard being me.
I hope I'm someone else. Maybe just my youngest sibling.
Why am I always the one who have to clean the mess up?
Why do I have let them vent their angers on me.
Why must I let in.
I don't get it, I know I can be harsh on them.
I know I could, But I won't.
Why do I have to be responsible for what others left behind.

I'm worried that if I don't help, no one would help.
I'm worried that if I don't so it, no one would do it.
I'm worried that if I stop doing, no one will ever do it.

And you for to know, I have my times. I will gets tired, sad, weak and need some alone time. And I always overthink everything, and it will kill me.

It's such a bad timing for everything.
I'm sick. Finals will be coming. I am on assignments.
Grandma needs help. All the housechores.

Is this how a twenty should live? I thought I should be catching some dramas, doing some shopping. Going overseas. Planning this and that.

I know there's harder lives than mine. And I appreciates whatever I have, I do. But sometimes, when I see more loss than gain. My heart and brain just don't tally.

Regards,
M

Dear Lord, please give me strength.

I never thought my life could go further down.
I don't deserve this. This is cruel to me.
I seldom say that life is cruel to me.
I never want anyone to feel sorry for what I have been through.
Trust me it's not just some kiddo stuff I've been through.
You can never imagine, you just won't know.
I have been telling  myself, this is life there's someone who suffering more than you. Someone who lost more things than you.  Someone who is feeling 100times worse than you.

But you know what,  why can't I be selfish and whatever. I am me, why must it be me. OK enough.

Please Lord, give me strength for I needed it most. Please give me wisdom for I can overcome my foolishness. Please give me courage, for I can carry on. Please give me hope&faith , as thats all I have to begin with. 
Please Lord , please keep my family safe&healthy. I want them wealthy in aspect of health&love. 
Please Lord, give them strength for What they do, give them wisdom for what they have to decide, give them health to keep living well. Dear Lord, please give us guidance to lead us out of the darkness, please guide us to bring the best out of us. 

Praise the Lord for giving me the best, it's the best plans for me. There will be tough & challenging obstacles for me in future, Lord please give me strength & guide me through. 

Amen. 



Don't question me about this. Like I say I feel comfortable this way. I know you're concern, I know you love me, I know you care. I really do.
Thank for everything But I'm really cool & better now.


Loves,
Just the simple girl.

This is last.

Happy New Year ~

Wishing you the best in everything.

This is so late ... 

It's another year And my legal year, first to the twenty. I hope I will have a smooth And awesome year ahead ~ 

2013 has ended on a good note. 

There's so many things that I have learnt And learning. 

I am grateful for everything. 

Thanks for everything. 

Regards, 

Mandy

Fate

Do you believe that our fates are predetermined?
I do, though.

I believe that it's fate that bring people around me to be with me.

 'There's no where you can be that isn't where you're meant to be. " - John Lennon


We just have to wait for the perfect moment with the imperfect destiny.

The one that you want or the one that will be.


Loves,
The girl who believes.

By 35.

Recently,  I have set a goal and I had it due on 35. I hope I can make it.  

It's kind of a huge goal actually. 

It sounds crazy.But definitely able to achieve.

This goal is so huge and I set a 15year range as I included all those important factors in. 

And of course,  my family + future soulmate. 

I won't reveal what I am planning here. Close ones will know. 

Anyway, just yesterday, my uncleDon called. 

After I hanged up, I thought I spend too little time with him. He dotes on me so muchhhhh. Planning to visit him next month: ) 

Time to give loves to your close ones:) 

Loves.

Breathing space

There's so much happening lately that is bringing me up and down.

However, I was at a total lost today. I thought it was a matter that I have accepted. But I did not. Not only me But people around me didn't seems to accept that or maybe we just can't get over.  I think I can never get over this.

I don't even know what I'm hoping for already.

I will miss you.

It came so sudden and shocking.
It's so unbelievable.
Till now, I still can't accept this.
I mean, I don't handle things like this well. No one can.
We haven been in contact for almost one and a half year but receiving news like this is so so so so heartbreaking.
I was very curious trying to find out what really happened. But I realise there's no answer.
Instead of that, I think what I can do for you is to just remember all those good times we had that never fail to bring me a smile. And all your good.

From time to time, I will ask myself, is this real?
It doesn't seems to be. Are you serious?

Even being there, with you for the last time, it just don't feel real.

I believe you're really tired of everything, and you're in rest now.

 What we once enjoyed was part of us, &it will live on in our memories forever.
Thanks for being part of our lives.


My Deepest Gratitude,
Mandy Lim.

Do you remember?

The First love.

Was it 

Being loved by someone who you don't dislike or

Being in love with someone you like?

Remember someone who tried to give his best. 

Remember he used to be there around you as always. 

How you laughed at all the silly actions. 

The exchanging of glances.  

The teasing.  

The first date, the what should I wear. 

The heart to heart talks 

The awkward skinships.

The first hand held.

The first hug.

The first Peck on the cheeks.

The first lips to lips touch,  the crazy heart pump! 

The comfort of being around.

The first movie, comedy or romance?

The first gift. 

The first do you love me. 

The first you don't love me anymore.

The very annoying set of rules you're suppose to follow. 

The 'Stop being ridiculous '

The disgusting ego. 

The hurting words.

The first break-up talk. 

The lowering of pride.

The forgiveness.

The 'I will change. '

The repeating hurtful stages. 

The 'I can't live without you, I love you.' 

The unlimited forgiving.

The numb period.

The This-is-enough.

The  Lets Break Up. 

The cursing.

The think back.

The crying.

The alone.

The stalking.

The If-you're-happier-without-me.

The I still miss you.

The crying. X8226263648292846 times.

The I Must love myself more.

The move on.

Do you still remember?

Look at how far we have gone now. 

We have to keep growing. 

No love is perfect,  but love the one who is imperfectly perfect for you.

And don't lose yourself, learn to love yourself.

LOVES,

M. Lim 

Its another first !

I just ended my official first week of Uni.  

I had a good start up because I got my bestie with me on the first day, and she is no longer a fresh freshies, she had school started a month ahead of me. So it's pretty safe. 

Was alone during lecture, noone is trying to make friend, and I'm sooooo shy to do it. But whatever, I'm enjoying being alone. The lecturer is real boring... I couldn't stay focus! So I just keep fidgeting in my seat. Haha. Luckily I was sitting at the last rowwwwww. 

Second day/lecture was pretty interesting. The lecturer is so funny! He's really good at grabbing our attention. But he is one of this bochap (can't be bothered) lecturer outside the class. Hope he remains nice. 

Third lecture day, so I manage to squeeze 2 of my 3-hours  lectures in a day. It was really fine, Im kind of looking forward for the next lecture. 

I think I will do just fine.  It was not so bad for this new first. 

I'm only graduating in 2016 as it's a 3 years course. All my peers who opt for other uni are graduating in 2014 else early 2015! ): I hope it's worthwhile. For this, I can't only give you the answer after my course. Haha. 

Loves 

Geeky M.  

Why am I so bother by the shit thats not done by me.

So apparently, I have so much disappointment.

It has been years, 2 decades to be exact.
I'm always surround by this same old crap.

Why do I have to be responsible for that?
You're the one who created this.
For goodness sake, who should be the one that should shoulder all these.

I took everything without complaining.
And have always think that I should do it.
I did the right things. I have to carry this responsibility till I die. I give my best, and I mean best.
I would do whatever I can to give the best.

Whenever we have disagreements, you're on the top side.
Whenever you're in trouble, we have to be troubled.
With every help we gave, I know we're destroying you.  I tried to stop, but I couldn't. Becos we doesn't want you to create even worse mistakes.

I'm someone who will feel guilty forever even if I cheated on a small test. I'm someone who will feel guilty even if I'm on the white lies. Yes I should feel guilty I mean. I'm someone who believes in perfection.  Working along with that principle, I'm careful with my every steps. But with you, I have to always backtrack. And with my character, I know I will shoulder this responsibility till my last breath. I want to put myself down so much. I want to live without this responsibility. I want to be free. I want to be like before.

I'm sorry. I'm getting too agitated.

Some times, I wish my next breath is the last. but I know it will never be, as I can't put down these down yet.



Nights.

Back to basic, be yourself.

Stop chasing after someone .
Stop being a shadow of somebody.
I love you for you.

You can only do your best when you're yourself.
Whatever mask you have on, whatever clothes you put on, whatever car you drive, will be nothing. Because the person hidden behind all those will determine your value.

At the end of the day, when you had your mask removed, got yourself undressed, look at the mirror, that's you. 'Do I know you? ' - you asked yourself.

How can I stop worrying so much ?

Dear Mandy ,

I have no idea why you have to be such an impatient person. 

You want it, you have to get it right away. No delay is allowed. 

Time is something that everyone hope to control. 

Some want it to move slower. 

Some can't wait to speed it up. 

Many would want to rewind them . 

It will be great if we could adjust them.
Sadly, we can't . 

I'm always impatient.
I want to get hold of all the possible scenario and wont allow a chance for things to go wrong.
I guess I will spend 50% of my life time worrying about anything. 

I hate being in suspense. The waiting period is always killing me. 

I will always play the situation out in my mind. 

Not just once, but many many many times. 

I would play all possible scenario . It's annoying, I know. 

It's something I cant control. 

Most of the time, things go my way, or should I say the NORMAL way. 

It's just the same plain jane, nothing special way. 

I mean , it should turn out that way isnt it ? 

It's just that I am always worry so damn much ! 

I think it's becoming a sickness. 

Dont you think this is madness ? 

Nope, dont have to think , THIS IS MADNESS. 

(This is crazy, I spend 5mins thinking what's a good sign off yet nothing is good. )

Sign-off,

Mandy. 

Does growing up = getting busier?

I'm busy lately.
But I'm not sure What I have been busy with.

My last day of work was a week ago.
And it just seems like I did nothing at all since then.

I cant wait for school to start. Yet I'm a little scared about it. Still have a month to school:)


" I'm not a perfect person, I make a lot of mistakes but still, I love those people who stay with me after knowing how I really am." - unknown .

Apparently,  I am really not very nice. haha.


Loves,
Lim

Always Daddy's little girl :)

It's never put down, it's never gone.
It has always be with me,  always in my heart.

I dont know, when someone says I might be ill as I seems to live in my own fantasy. But at the same time, I'm real.

I guess thats what you get when you tried to be perfectionist.  

Anyway,  Happy Father's Day!
DADDY, love you always.

It took me awhile to decide if I should post this.

It's not easy, But I'm still living.



Daddy's little girl,
N** N** , Mandy.

sob sobb.

Hi peeps!

Recently, I'm sort of busy.

 (i) kitchen is under renovation,  dealing with contractor,  designer and Boss.
(ii) graduated with diploma cert, a short dinner.
(iii) tidying my final work month , Boss still have not tell me my official last day though.
(iv) dealing with this bad immune system I have, just recover from stomach flu not long ago, now down with common flu + cough + fever.
(v) coming up with a detail plan for future studies.
(vi) slight changes for my room :)

The kitchen Reno took so long becos the previous contractor fled away. Seriously ....

The 2nd contractor / Boss is better, much better, But we're paying much more. But so far, we're very happy with his work, his workers are nice too. I will get some photos up if it's done and if it's pretttyyyy. Haha.

So I spend 3days looking for a suitable and valuable fridge.  I got a pretty OK deal at courts, buying for appearance,  again. Haha.

Was doing many OT and covering of work becos colleague is overseas. and there's so much to do becos of the upcoming event at work. I'm suppose to do a 'hard-sell' thing, it's really tough for me, But you know I will do my best.

I'm running a 38.7 degree fever now. It's quite bad ): I can feel the heat in my eyes. I must recover soon! Becos it's still a week till colleague is back. So I'm covering full shift for another week, 7 days. Bad timing ):

Consulted Doc Lie, But his meds aren't working. The phlegm like having a party. Lol. Anyway, I'm dozing off. Will update again, real soon.

Probably with some graduation speech:)

Peace out!
M.