I need to sort this out.

Basically, my results were out a few hours ago.
I'm just stuck  , confused with myself.
What have I been doing?

I totally agree with the UOL is so hard.
Nope, I didn't screw it badly.
&This is why I am so indecisive now.
Failing by a mark is a huge saga.
I rather I screwed it bad like my other theory module.
Having only 3 passes, and theory badly screwed with a one-more-mark-to-pass, I landed myself 2 choices.

1.) To continue UOL. Retakes. But am I sure I could pass the 2nd year modules? It will be harder than year 1.

2.) To transfer/change to RM IT. Much easier to score well. Shorter time. Their system &time allocation is better. :/ no long study break before exam.

I have pretty much decided actually.
But just feel like screwing myself up the next time I read back on this.

I basically threw my effort,  time &money into the drain, for the previous year. Screw me.

With not-much-love,
M.

Here cones again.

I am back to this stage again.
It has been so hard on me. Everything is.
I have been living in negativity for long enough.
I know I hate it. I know I can determine how I think.
I know , I know.

Sometimes it's so hard being me.
I hope I'm someone else. Maybe just my youngest sibling.
Why am I always the one who have to clean the mess up?
Why do I have let them vent their angers on me.
Why must I let in.
I don't get it, I know I can be harsh on them.
I know I could, But I won't.
Why do I have to be responsible for what others left behind.

I'm worried that if I don't help, no one would help.
I'm worried that if I don't so it, no one would do it.
I'm worried that if I stop doing, no one will ever do it.

And you for to know, I have my times. I will gets tired, sad, weak and need some alone time. And I always overthink everything, and it will kill me.

It's such a bad timing for everything.
I'm sick. Finals will be coming. I am on assignments.
Grandma needs help. All the housechores.

Is this how a twenty should live? I thought I should be catching some dramas, doing some shopping. Going overseas. Planning this and that.

I know there's harder lives than mine. And I appreciates whatever I have, I do. But sometimes, when I see more loss than gain. My heart and brain just don't tally.

Regards,
M

Dear Lord, please give me strength.

I never thought my life could go further down.
I don't deserve this. This is cruel to me.
I seldom say that life is cruel to me.
I never want anyone to feel sorry for what I have been through.
Trust me it's not just some kiddo stuff I've been through.
You can never imagine, you just won't know.
I have been telling  myself, this is life there's someone who suffering more than you. Someone who lost more things than you.  Someone who is feeling 100times worse than you.

But you know what,  why can't I be selfish and whatever. I am me, why must it be me. OK enough.

Please Lord, give me strength for I needed it most. Please give me wisdom for I can overcome my foolishness. Please give me courage, for I can carry on. Please give me hope&faith , as thats all I have to begin with. 
Please Lord , please keep my family safe&healthy. I want them wealthy in aspect of health&love. 
Please Lord, give them strength for What they do, give them wisdom for what they have to decide, give them health to keep living well. Dear Lord, please give us guidance to lead us out of the darkness, please guide us to bring the best out of us. 

Praise the Lord for giving me the best, it's the best plans for me. There will be tough & challenging obstacles for me in future, Lord please give me strength & guide me through. 

Amen. 



Don't question me about this. Like I say I feel comfortable this way. I know you're concern, I know you love me, I know you care. I really do.
Thank for everything But I'm really cool & better now.


Loves,
Just the simple girl.

This is last.

Happy New Year ~

Wishing you the best in everything.

This is so late ... 

It's another year And my legal year, first to the twenty. I hope I will have a smooth And awesome year ahead ~ 

2013 has ended on a good note. 

There's so many things that I have learnt And learning. 

I am grateful for everything. 

Thanks for everything. 

Regards, 

Mandy