Answer for your own acts.

Is answering to yourself enough?
Or people's judgement are the answers for your acts?

For example, you've helped an old lady on your way back home. So is this enough?
Because its a kindness act , or you need a stranger who saw it to praise you so your kindness is acknowledged.

Else giving up seats to needy after you had a long tiring day. Seeing the needy being very grateful and glad to have met a nice person like you, or having the bus passengers to acknowledge your gracious act?


I always thought answering to myself is enough.
But today, I'm in a situation of being self-centered, overconfidence, arrogant.
Maybe it may not seems to be related with the examples I gave but..

I had a serious review for my work done.
Knowing that I did a lot but were mostly rejected.
And I had very little stuffs that can be demo.
All of my group mate knew this, and I know I did a lot.
My advisor know I did a lot . But my sup just don't agree with my work.
He's just someone who's giving me lots of challenges.
So my advisor also tried to help me to get many things worked.
And my advisor did argued with my sup a few times over different opinions.

So after weeks of production, my works are to be shown today.
One of my hardwork, which i stayed up last to give 'perfection' to, had a machinery problem at the last minute.
And being the perfectionist, I decided to omit it during the review, not speaking any word of it, or demo.

So I had little to show, or maybe close nothing.
My advisor who helped me so much in that was a little pissed with me as he sat for my review.
He did not say anything, but he sounded angry, I mean I understand why he's pissed.
One point : I did have a lot to show but becos of my sup, I decided to be timid and not go against him anymore. So I didn't fight for myself.
Next point : I stayed up real late trying to perfect my product. Which he witness. I stayed in school from 10am-9pm, and went back home to continue till 4 in the morning before I head off to bed ):
Final point : I really didn't show any thing great during the review, which means marks won't be given easily to me .

I mean I know he is pissed not because he helped so much and I didn't even show case it!
He is pissed because I decided to do this to myself, I could have shown them my imperfect product which is still working, but not working fine.
I was so depressed when I heard the way he talks, he sound so disappointed with):

He helped me so much since I'm in year 2. And he knows what I am capable of .
And he's a great mentor which I don't want to disappoint.
I think I also disappoint another nice mentor, mrlim, who sat for my review too...

After writing so much, I'm really wondering if answering to myself is enough, and by not showing the product is a right choice. The review is the prove of what I have done,  yet I don't want to show the Imperfect me. Was it a right choice? it's not like they didn't see me working on my project, or maybe they really didn't.

OK, I'm starting to believe I made a wrong choice. But I really want myself to be happy, I don't like to show imperfection.

It feels like i did something wrong, but I didn't.
I don't know, I hate disappointing people. I want to be the 'perfect' Mandy in front everyone.


The arrogant me.