This is real awkward.
It's beyond awkwardness.
And the problem is within me.
Even my boss felt the awkwardness too.
I think I cant hide emotions well.
So I did tender my resignation since Mum wanted me to continue my studies.
And I set my goal, a little monetary problem there but I will deal with it later.
I am afraid that my boss wont be happy with me leaving, even with the one month notice.
Ok, I should back track a little.. to the day that I handed over my resignation.
That day was bad, real bad.
So the moment I stepped into my office, I carried the boss-I-have-something-to-tell-you face, in simple a very worried face. I think my boss realise something is wrong with me, definitely. Before he asked me if there's anything for him before I could even reply, he received a call from the other branch about new trainees and they have some employee adjustment too. The moment I heard about the adjustment, my face shagged down, my fake-smile faded off, I panicked. Becos thats the moment whereby I want to tender the leaving letter. I could imagine my own face, how epic is that look on my face. Anyone could see that there's something really wrong with me. So I putted the letter back into the drawer, did a quick text to my besties for advise, I can tell you I have discussed this with them a million times. They're just sick of my overthinking mind. I couldnt stop throwing them unknown/possible-to-happen/ridiculous questions. So they manage to throw my courage back up. They have their ways of dealing with my ridiculous worrisome character.
So my boss when out for lunch, and I thought when he comes back it would be a good chance to tell him my decision. Like the say, a hungry man is an angry man. Since he will be full after lunch, he wont be an angry man right ? haha. To my surprise, he came back in 10 mins time, with his lunch in his hand. Gosh, how could have forgotten that he would prefer to pack lunch back to office. Damnit, all I did was stare blankly, my movement and reaction for the whole day is epic.
Other branch called again to update my boss. The more I overheard the conversation, the lesser courage I have for heading that letter out. Time was just ticking by when I quickly get the things I have to do done. And who knows, its time for boss to knock off. Boss asked if I have anything for him, I stared at him, paused for a little while, thinking if I should draw open the drawer, but what came out of my mouth was, No. Clearly, I regretted saying that. I muster up my courage, draw the letter out, walked toward my boss's table. And tried to put on a pretty smile, it turns out to be a very awkward smile. and I said " Boss, I actually want to hand you my resignation letter. But I overhead your conversation with ... and I think its a very wrong timing . " He was surprised. Becos all along I am happy working, and keeping up with work.
So I told him, all that Im supposed to say. He gave me a good deal, continue working for him Part time.
I thought it would be a perfect deal ! But Mum is one tough stage to pass.
I would like that offer of cos. I asked my besties for advises.
That annoying Steffano told me that it wont be good to study as I am supposed to focus on studies. Dont waste the sum of money I am gonna fork out on studies. I somewhat agree.
But my crystal, manage to understand my point of view. I would like to earn some pocket money for safe-keep. Which I cant agree with her more too.
So I am all again stucked in the middle.
In the end, I didnt take the offer, mum wasnt glad if I did.
It took me a few hours to think how I should phrase it in text to inform my boss the final decision.
I am really worried that they are not satisfied with my arrangement ):
I dont want to end it uglily.
I dont know how to tell you if I am handling it nicely or not.
But I think it could be better.
I am trying to deal with the fact of awkwardness now.
My colleague is fine with my decision and says studying is great !
She's nice of cos. Haha.
Hope my boss is cool with me ):
I think he is cool, its just me. I just cant stop over-thinking or worrying.
Regards,
Worried M.
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